Your name is Hael.

It’s a name you’ve had since the beginning. You think your Father gave you that name, but you can’t be sure because you’ve never actually met Him. Your brothers and sisters tell you he’s gone and he’s not coming back. You believe them — why would they lie to you?

For a while, everything is as it should be. You carry out your Father’s will, watching over His other children — the humans. Your brothers and sisters seem to hold little affection for the ‘mud monkeys’, but you don’t mind them too much.

You grow more curious by the day at their perseverance even in the face of all the mean spirited tricks your siblings throw at them. In one delicious flash of disobedience you go to Earth and you walk among the humans, who even in their infancy fascinate you. You decide to leave a parting gift for mankind in the form of a vast and sprawling chasm — a grand, beautiful canyon that you craft with sweeping waters and wild winds and every last pebble placed with the utmost attention. You wish that you could see how it will surely leave all who see it breathless, but you’ve already been there too long. Earth doesn’t come close to the paradise of Heaven, but it’s beautiful enough to you.

The angels grow tired. Father is still absent and he’s left no instructions on how to proceed. The humans have turned themselves in to war-loving and self destructive savages. They destroy all the beauty Earth once held, what you and your siblings worked so hard to create. Paradise is in jeopardy.

Your brothers and sisters hatch a plan.

You join your brothers and sisters in a march on Hell to rescue the Righteous Man. It’s said he can start the apocalypse and then you can finally reclaim paradise. Your brother Castiel is given the honor of pulling the Righteous Man out of the Pit — it’s the beginning of the end and paradise is on the horizon.

But then… Castiel betrays you. All of you. His love for humanity has gone too far and he rebels. He slaughters your brothers and sisters and rips the hope of paradise from you and all for what? For two mere humans? For the “love” of humankind? He claims he was following Father’s will. You know he is right, that you were made to protect mankind, but you still grow bitter.

War rips Heaven right down the middle. Your two brothers fight for control. You’re tired of the bloodshed, you want the senseless genocide to just stop. When Castiel, more corrupted and drunk on power than ever, comes to you and gives you the choice of allegiance or death you pledge your loyalty. You have no other choice.

Heaven is in shambles. Castiel is in the wind. Your bitterness grows in to hatred. There are only a handful of your kind left, and Castiel is off prancing around with those two brothers like he doesn’t have crimes to answer for. Like he doesn’t even care about what he did to Heaven, to the angels, to you. Some angels attempt to restore order and find you a cause to fight for, but they are slaughtered just like all those to tried to ‘fix’ Heaven were before them. You’re starting to think Heaven can’t be fixed.

One day your world ends. You’re cast out of Heaven, your grace ripped out of you and burnt to ash and there is nothing but darkness. You free fall straight to Earth, and — terrified and confused — you search for a suitable vessel to hold you. You find a young girl and she seems thrilled that an angel would need her to be able to walk the Earth. She says yes, and you try not to think about how troubled you are by how quick she is to allow you to possess her. You’re unsteady in this body. You’re weak and useless and hungry of all things, and humans have become considerably less kind than they used to be.

Suddenly you hear it — the Righteous Man calls out to you, to all angels, pleading for your help. His brother is dying. You ignore it.

And then you see Castiel. He’s right there. And he seems so… small. So human. You find it hard to feel sorry for him, he did this after all, but you still approach him. Castiel is still your brother. You ask for his help — he owes you at least that much — and he agrees. He’s remorseful, that much you can tell.

He asks you what you want to do. You’re free to do whatever you want, he says. There’s so many things to do here, to see and to feel and experience — so much freedom.

But you don’t want “freedom”. What you want is to find a way back in to Heaven, back home. You don’t care about mortal life. The only thing that you care about on Earth…

You tell him you’d like to visit that canyon you made so many, many years ago. You wonder if it’s still as beautiful as it was when you first sculpted it. You wonder if the humans have ruined that too.

Then he tells you that he can’t help you — he has to go back to them. He’s being given a chance to redeem himself, to help. You could call out to all the angels and tell him you have the traitor right here. You could bring all of Heaven’s wrath down upon him. And now he’s abandoning you again, abandoning Heaven again. For them.

But it’s alright, he assures you. You are strong, you can survive. Go see your canyon. Everything will be alright. Your story isn’t over, it’s just beginning.

Your world hasn’t just ended, it’s been shredded in to tiny, jagged little pieces. The only home you have ever known is locked from the inside and someone’s thrown away the key. You were once a powerful warrior, bringer of holy justice and you would reign Heaven’s wrath on all evil in your path. Now, you can barely walk on two feet. Your vessel is deteriorating. Your brothers and sisters, what is left of them, are in pain and they’re scared. You’re scared. Nothing is alright.

You panic. Something deep inside you snaps, and all at once you feel rage, you feel hurt and fear and — you feel. You must stop him. You’re reaching for the long piece of wood before you even realize you’re moving. Castiel turns away, he dares turn his back on you like he’s done so many times before; he’ll leave you there to fend for yourself in a world that you don’t understand, in a world that he put you in. It’s his fault, he took away your paradise!

You swing as hard as your vessel can manage.

Your name is Hael — you are an angel of the Lord and after everything, after all you have done and witnessed and built and worked for and seen, this is not how your story will end. You’ll make sure of it.

shared 1 year ago on October/10/2013, with 780 notes.

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